Conflict Strategy

     This week my blog post will focus on conflict.  “Conflict is not simply an argument or a struggle: it’s a negative interaction between two or more interdependent people, rooted in some actual or perceived disagreement.” (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012, p. 220) 

      Conflict is something that everyone faces in life.  It can occur in any relationship and “is inevitable and sometimes cannot be resolve” but, it can be managed.  (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012, p. 220) This picture is representing how I feel about my conflicts.   I believe that conflict management is an art that has to be mastered.  I do not believe that I have mastered this art and I question my techniques of conflict management.  

     The conflict that I am currently engaged in happens to be with my ex-husband and his new wife.  There was a mis-wording in our agreement that is causing me grief.  This grief can be resolved when my ex signs an additional form that his new wife is not in agreement with him signing because (as she rightly stated) it should have been handled correctly in the divorce by my lawyer.  During of virtual communication via text messaging; she stated some things that really irritated me.  When I noticed that the conversation was really getting challenging, I decided to manage the conflict by using what I thought was a win-win scenario. 

     Since I am one that hate to be involved in conflict; I usually use the strategy known as the escapist strategy.  “In certain situations, escapist strategies can be harmless and practical, offering a quick resolution to issues that are relatively unimportant and can help maintain relationships that might be damaged if conflict erupted over every little thing.”  (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012, p. 220)   My goal was to get the paper signed not to create a problem in his home; so I stopped the aggressive responses.  I was reminded of a Biblical scripture that states to agree with your adversary quickly.  I started to state that she was correct in stating that my lawyer messed up and that it should have been handled.  Instead of being challenging and argumentative, I started focusing on the issue and how to get things resolved.  We ended the conversation on a good note with the expectation that the matter would be resolved during the next week.

     Although, I ended the conflict with her, I still was furious over the situation and the things that were stated.  Additionally, they didn't keep her end of the agreement and is not willing to return phone calls or texts.  What I thought was a compromising or win-win outcome to our conflict; has turned into the a lose-lose situation where all parties will eventually lose.  I have decided to stop having an inner conflict with myself and just place my trust in God’s hands to work everything out in my favor.  I've been told by others, when you stop trying to fight the battle yourself-life gets a whole lot easier.

     I don’t know if I handle my conflict correctly and that is why I did not get the desired results.  I welcome all comments and suggestions on this manner.   I challenge my colleagues to tell me what they would have done in this situation.  (My divorce was just final in Jan. 2013 and he remarried in Feb.  All contact with the new wife and my ex-on my part has been civil.  Only contact besides this time was when my monthly check was late without explanation.) 

Resource

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.