Appreciation of Others

This week’s post will focus on my appreciation to my colleagues, instructors and my enrollment adviser.  I have come to the end of my core courses on this Road to Mastery.  Wow it’s been a journey but I never would have made it with the encouragement of my colleagues.  Every week of every course was filled with encouraging words and inspiration that enable me to believe in myself and my abilities.  I started off on this Journey to Mastery scared and unsure that I had what it took to be successful at this level of education.  

As every new course started, I always looked for familiar names.  I am ecstatic that there has been at least 5 names that I have seen in every course.  But now I feel bittersweet because I am happy that we have completed our core courses but sad at the same time because I know some of my colleagues will be completing different specialty tracks.

I will like to thank all of the colleagues that I have had the chance to collaborate with in all of my courses.  It is not a matter of time but a matter of quality that matters to me when it comes to my relationship with others.  All of you have been an inspiration and I wish you the best of luck.

I also would like to thank every instructor that I met on this Journey.  You have given me great feedback and encouragement with each comment that was attached to my work.  I also thank you for your support during the tough times that I had throughout this experience.  I wish you the best of luck with each new course that you instruct in the future.

I would also like to thank my enrollment adviser, Donna Shands-Island.  She was the greatest because she encouraged me from the time that I called into the University up until now.  I would email her when I felt like giving up and she would say that I could do it and she did not see me as a failure.  In return, I would inform her of every grade that I received.  I recently sent her a message telling her how proud I was of myself for making it this far. 

I look forward to seeing my colleagues that I have established contacts with in my specialty track of Administration, Leadership and Management.  I also look forward to meeting others at our graduation ceremony when we have all completed our journey.  

Saying Goodbye

This week my blog will focus on the last stage of team development.  There are five stages of team development: forming, storming, norming, performing and adjourning.  The adjourning phrase is when a “project or task has come to an end.”  (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012)  Most of the groups I have been involved in had an easy adjourning phase.  I was happy for the group projects to be over because the entire process was very stressful.  The stress often came from others not doing their part for the grade or from others trying to control the assignments given to another person.  Those teams just disbanded without conversation or reflection.  However, I can recall an adjourning phrase of a team for a project in one of my Early Childhood education courses.  Our team cooperated effectively and we planned a dinner to celebrate the ending of the project.  During the dinner, we had the opportunity to discuss our “accomplishments and failures as well as determine whether the group will dissemble or take on another project” that was due to start in the coming week.  (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012)  Our team chose to continue to work together but we had to add some other people to our group which made the new project more challenging.

            I believe the adjourning phase is essential because it allows for team members to reflect on the assignment they have just completed.  The things that were accomplishments have provided experience for a new assignment for what to do to be successful.  The failures have provided experience for determining what not to do or what to steer away from in the future.

I am facing an adjourning phrase in my journey towards receiving my Master’s degree.  I began to feel sad as I read the instructions for this assignment and I realized that I will not be communicating with some of my colleagues in the future.  We have all reached a point in our degree process in which we will start our specialty tracks.  I will miss communicating with those that will be heading on a different track but I would like to take this opportunity to thank those that have been inspiring to me.  However, I am looking forward to meeting new colleagues that are seeking the same specialty area so that I can create new collegiate connections that will be essential in the future.  Although I will be saying goodbye to some colleagues in the next two weeks, I plan to maintain a connection via the blog posts that I have subscribed to during the past year.  It is amazing how fast the year has gone by and I am so proud that we have all made it thus far.  I encourage my colleagues to continue their journey even when the courses may seem overbearing.  We have made it this far and we can make it to our expected end!  As we all fly off in our separate directions, we will always remember where we have been and the people that we have met.

Resource

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Conflict Strategy

     This week my blog post will focus on conflict.  “Conflict is not simply an argument or a struggle: it’s a negative interaction between two or more interdependent people, rooted in some actual or perceived disagreement.” (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012, p. 220) 

      Conflict is something that everyone faces in life.  It can occur in any relationship and “is inevitable and sometimes cannot be resolve” but, it can be managed.  (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012, p. 220) This picture is representing how I feel about my conflicts.   I believe that conflict management is an art that has to be mastered.  I do not believe that I have mastered this art and I question my techniques of conflict management.  

     The conflict that I am currently engaged in happens to be with my ex-husband and his new wife.  There was a mis-wording in our agreement that is causing me grief.  This grief can be resolved when my ex signs an additional form that his new wife is not in agreement with him signing because (as she rightly stated) it should have been handled correctly in the divorce by my lawyer.  During of virtual communication via text messaging; she stated some things that really irritated me.  When I noticed that the conversation was really getting challenging, I decided to manage the conflict by using what I thought was a win-win scenario. 

     Since I am one that hate to be involved in conflict; I usually use the strategy known as the escapist strategy.  “In certain situations, escapist strategies can be harmless and practical, offering a quick resolution to issues that are relatively unimportant and can help maintain relationships that might be damaged if conflict erupted over every little thing.”  (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012, p. 220)   My goal was to get the paper signed not to create a problem in his home; so I stopped the aggressive responses.  I was reminded of a Biblical scripture that states to agree with your adversary quickly.  I started to state that she was correct in stating that my lawyer messed up and that it should have been handled.  Instead of being challenging and argumentative, I started focusing on the issue and how to get things resolved.  We ended the conversation on a good note with the expectation that the matter would be resolved during the next week.

     Although, I ended the conflict with her, I still was furious over the situation and the things that were stated.  Additionally, they didn't keep her end of the agreement and is not willing to return phone calls or texts.  What I thought was a compromising or win-win outcome to our conflict; has turned into the a lose-lose situation where all parties will eventually lose.  I have decided to stop having an inner conflict with myself and just place my trust in God’s hands to work everything out in my favor.  I've been told by others, when you stop trying to fight the battle yourself-life gets a whole lot easier.

     I don’t know if I handle my conflict correctly and that is why I did not get the desired results.  I welcome all comments and suggestions on this manner.   I challenge my colleagues to tell me what they would have done in this situation.  (My divorce was just final in Jan. 2013 and he remarried in Feb.  All contact with the new wife and my ex-on my part has been civil.  Only contact besides this time was when my monthly check was late without explanation.) 

Resource

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

My ratings as a communicator

My blog post this week focuses on my communication skills.  The purpose of this blog is to disclose myself to you, my readers, so that you will know a little more about me and how I communicate.  “When you reveal yourself to others by sharing information about yourself, you engage in self-disclosure.”  (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012, p. 56)   Therefore today, I am disclosing the results of the three screenings I took that rated my communication anxiety, listening style and verbal aggressiveness.  I am also disclosing how my son and boyfriend’s daughter rated me as they completed the same screenings to determine how others viewed me and how I communicate with others.  

To my surprise, all results of the screenings fell within the same perimeters.  I was expecting my son to rate higher for the verbal aggressiveness since I seem to have to yell at him more now that he feels he is grown and can make his own decisions or not listen to what I have to say. 

However, I was more surprised to learn that my boyfriend’s daughter had the same exact results as my son on all three screenings.  But in the end, they both rated me the same as I rated myself.

 

The results showed that I have a mild level of communication anxiety.  I completely agree with this result because I am used to public speaking and having conversations with people; including those that I have just met.  However, I do feel nervous sometimes when I have to speak publicly as the man in the picture above is feeling.  I always want others to understand what I am saying so I often feel uncomfortable until I start speaking.

  

  

The verbal aggressiveness scale revealed that I have moderate aggression.  I agree with this because I have the ability to communicate when I have a problem with a situation but not attack the person in which I disagree with in a situation.  I basically present the facts of the situation and stand my ground on what is right without making the person feel that I am personally attacking them. I chose the picture above because as an Early Childhood professional, we must make sure that we do not verbally attack the children although we might not be happy with their behavior.  

My listen style showed that I was a people-oriented listener.  I am very empathetic and that helps me build relationships easily.  However, I can be very trusting and have a poor judgment of others.  I have had many situations in which this has proven to be true.  I also declare that I will change but I never do and therefore I become hurt by the untruthful actions of others. 

I find it amazing that a screening can tell you so much about how you communicate with others.  I find it equally amazing that the people that I communicate most with have rated my skills in the same way that I have rated myself.  

Resource
O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction (2nd Ed.). New York:
Bedford/St. Martin’s Press.

Communication with other groups and cultures

The week my blog will focus on how I communicate with different groups of people.  Communication can be seen in one manner with one group of people and completely different when communicating with another group.  My communication style is different with each type of group I engage in but I try to be effective in each group.  As an African American professional, I tend to communicate differently in my professional relationships than how I would communicate others.  I also have a way that I communicate with my friends, those that I know from church, or people that I met.   

I often have reserves when speaking with others that are Hispanic.  This is mostly because I feel that I am not communicating effectively for them to understand what I am saying.  Many of the parents of the children in the after school program I direct speak limited English.  I keep eye contact with them so that I can notice when they are looking for another child to translate for them.  Their body language helps me to identify if they do not fully understand what I am saying.  When I notice that they do not understand, I often ask their child to translate or one of the other children will assist me in communicating with the parent.

I notice that I communicate differently with my colleagues.  I often will open up and communicate about things pertaining to work but I keep my private and personal life out of the lines of communication.  The only exception to this is if it relates to a topic that is being discussed and I feel that my information would help the person.  One of my colleagues has five children that attend the after school program and they all have discipline issues to the point of which I have to stand between them so that they would not fight each other.  In my communication with my colleague, I have to stop myself from giving her advice on how to discipline the children.  I just advise her to get the older ones some help with anger but this advice was only given when she asked me what she should do because she was tired of the instances.

    

I also find that my language is different when I am speaking with a friend and someone that I attend or know from church settings.  I am reserved with the church friends and might not speak openly on certain subjects as I would with a friend outside of church.  However, my best friend is someone that I met in church and we talk about anything that comes to mind.  I know I do not speak to others in church as I would with my friends because of the judgmental hat that “saved” people wear at times.  I also do not feel open to discuss my views on something because of fear of judgment.

    

Overall, I am a friendly, talkative person that can communicate with different races and sexes.  I do not discriminate during a conversation and will talk to others without knowing them personally the same way I would speak to someone that I know.  However, I do tend to stop communicating when I think the conversation is becoming too personal.   The strategies I could use to help me become a better communicator are to adapt the topic and level of intimacy of my conversation, adapting by withholding or avoiding information, and adapting through my choice of language.  (adapted from Beebe, Beebe & Redmond, 2011, p. 113)

 Reference

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). (6th ed., p. 85–114). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon, Inc.

Don't rely on assumptions of nonverbal communication.

                                     

     Each one of these faces communicates a different feeling or emotion.  Each one of these body positions does the same.  People communicate every day in many different forms.  Sometimes another person can tell what is going on between people without hearing the conversation just by watching body movements.  You can tell if the people are happy and are getting along or if they are fighting or having a disagreement.  This is because of nonverbal communication.  Knapp and Hall (2010) states nonverbal communication is the process of intentionally or unintentionally signaling meaning through behavior other than words (as cited by O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012, p. 128)

     This week my assignment in my Communication and Collaborating in Early Childhood course, my assignment was to watch a show that I never watched before twice; with the first time being without sound.  Then I was to give my assumption of what I thought went on and then re-watch it with sound.  I chose to watch a special preview on Hulu.com of a new sitcom scheduled to air on NBC next month called Welcome to the Family.  I do not watch TV normally and so this website was perfect for helping me complete this assignment.  The sitcom starts with two graduations in which the young girl (Caucasian) sends a message to the boy (Hispanic) that she is pregnant during the midst of both graduations.  The show continues with conversations between the girl and the boy that seemed to be both happy moments and moments when they were upset or unhappy with frown and fast hand movements. 

The girl tells her parents something and then opens the door to the boy and his parents.  They arrived with a pan of something cooked.  Her parents are visibly upset and his parents are smiling until the girl’s father says something to them and they both turn their heads quickly toward the young couple with their mouths open.  The parents start to argue with each other and the boy and his parents walk out of the house.

The rest of the show shows the young couple having discussions and the parents arguing every time they see one another.  This continues until the end when they were all at an amusement park and thought that the young couple was getting on the roller coaster.  The camera showed a sign that people are not allowed to ride while pregnant.  Then it shows the moms running in one direction and the fathers running in another to get to the ride.  As they stop the ride from taking off the girl walks up with cotton candy and the young boy turns around.

My assumptions based on the body language of the actors was that the parents were unhappy about the pregnancy and was further upset about what seemed to appear the young boy asking the girl to marry him.  The parents seem to not get along with each other constantly until the last scene when they combined together to stop what they assumed to think was the couple going on a roller coaster ride.

As I re-watched the show with the sound on, I realized that my assumptions were right.  The girl was just barely graduating while the boy was an honored student with a bright educational future.  They were both expected to go to different colleges.  The boy’s parents knew about the girl but the girl’s parents had no idea about the young man.  The fathers happen to meet as the girl’s dad meet when the girl’s father comes into the boy’s father’s gym for a free lesson. This first conversation goes badly and they argue more than talk.  The young girl decides to start communicating to them and tells them that she has a boyfriend and is pregnant.  She also tells them that her boyfriend and family are there for dinner.   As the fathers see each other, they start arguing.  The young couple was excited about their expectant child but faced the pressures of their parent’s unhappiness of their parents.  The young couple decided they would be a family despite their fathers’ objections and told them that if they wanted to be a part of their family then they could join them as they celebrate.  The fathers were constantly fighting and the fights continued to the end of the show when they combine forces to stop the children from taking a rollercoaster ride.  The boy’s father had to help the girl’s father walk away from the park because he hurt his leg.  As the show goes off, the girl’s parents are talking while he is laid up in the bed with ice on his knee and she is in the bathroom looking at a home pregnancy test that shows a positive result.

Seeing the show without words caused me to assume some things that I found were not completely correct.  This taught me a lesson that we can watch a person or assume we know what the other person is saying but in the end our assumption can be totally wrong.  Communication has to be effective in order for full understanding can be achieved.  Assuming what you think you are hearing or understanding by watching lips moving, gestures or body language can cause you to judge a conversation wrongly.   Be an effective communicator and don’t assume you know or understand what another person is saying.  

Resource

O’Hair, D. & Wiemann, M.  (2012). Real Communication.  Chapter 5, Nonverbal

            Communication (pp. 128-155).  Boston, MA.  Bedford/St. Martin

Effective Communication

 My next stop on my road to mastery is in a course called Communication and Collaboration in the Early Childhood Education Field.  The skill of communication is important in any professional field that requires you to have communication with others-requiring competency.  Wiemann & Backland, (1980) states  we do not mean merely adequate, average, or ”OK”: communication scholars use the term competent to describe communication that is effective and appropriate for the given situation, in which the communicators evaluate and reassess their own communication process

     This picture shows all of the emotions a person feels when they are a victim of incompetent communicator.  We should never want to intentionally make another person feel this way. 

     My first blog post for the Communication and Collaboration in the Early Childhood Field requires me to identify a person that I feels exhibits an effective communication style.  At first, I thought of all of the people that did not meet this category and then the person that I speak to most about any subject came to my mind.  This person is Pastor Jacqueline Bobien, my pastor.

     My pastor is a person that I believe is a competent communicator because she actively listens to you as you speak, restates what you have just said to ensure she understands, and responds to you in a way that never degrades you in any way.  If there is a time when she does not have an immediate answer, she will truthfully tell you so and ask you if you are okay with her getting back to you with a response so that her response will be accurate.  I can depend on her being honest and not being intimidating or distorting the facts to coerce anyone into doing anything.  However, she has the ability to influence you to make the decision of doing the thing that is deemed right and ethical in a situation.  “One of the most important functions of communication is the ability to influence people.”  (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2009, p. 7)

     I would love to pattern my communication behaviors to mimic hers because she communicates in an ethical way and her behaviors do not change in situations when someone is angry or acting irrational.  As educators, we might have moments when parents are upset and display behaviors that they normally do not display when they are in a good mood.  We cannot respond in the same manner but we have to control our emotions in order to effectively communicate with that person.  I honestly am working on control of emotions and my pastor is one that I have seen control emotions in situations where people are upset in settings that were in and out of the church environment.

     My goal for this course is to learn how to be an effective communicator and learn the art of communicating in professional settings.  This is the last course before I entering into my specialty program with is the Administration, Management and Leadership track.  I believe this course will teach me how to be a professional communicator, so continue on with me as I travel along my road to mastery.

Resources

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction (2nd Ed.). New York:

           Bedford/St. Martin’s Press.